
Today was one of those days of uneventful doings: I woke up at 3:39 p.m., bought an overpriced frappucino at Starbucks and one per cent milk, and returned home. The weather, being Toronto et all, was also quite uneventful: slight overcast, about 20 degrees Celsius, warm wind.
But the feeling I often get, which is also often associated with this kind of weather, is anything but.
One can call it an illness or just obsessive love (it’s an illness) but sometimes, just sometimes, I’ll find myself in a New York state of mind. Not just in a poetic sense but literally. I’ll look at the freshly-blossomed trees outside a concreted crumbling building and I’ll, just for a second, forget that I’m in Toronto. I often say I can’t explain this feeling but I’m going to try here.
Specific images, whether it be trees, cabbies yelling out the window of their cars, or tall slender woman smoking and walking at the same time, will trigger it. My soul (heart? weight of my shoulders?) will suddenly feel lifted, my thoughts will go blank, and I’ll be in New York. I know that I’m still in Toronto, of course, but I guess for a second I will choose to be in New York.
Is there a treatment for this illness? I can move to New York, for one, but that seems a highly impractical solution given I have two years of school left. I can do a quick getaway to New York, but that will only delay the symptoms, like a sleeping pill or morphine. I can try and ignore these bursts of ‘self-removal’ but why would I want to? In fact, I wouldn’t even call this weird thing an illness but a coping mechanism – a way to deal with being away from the one place I shouldn’t be away from.
I know. I should see a doctor, right?
– Image via 








